Saturday, November 6, 2010


I've started to listen to pod casts during my commute to and from work. I'm subscribing to various pod casts through iTunes. Who knew there was so much content available for free?! 

I listened to one of the many NPR pod casts a few days ago, one about frenemies.  If you're not sure what this phrase means, it's a relatively new term that's meant to describe those individuals whom we call friends but don't really trust, or care for, or want to spend time with. At least, that's my interpretation of the word and what I took away from this pod cast.  It included several stories about people's relationships with frenemies, and I'm still thinking about it. 

First, I hope I'm no one's frenemy.  If you're reading this and you consider me your frenemy, I am sorry for anything I ever did that has hurt you.  Seriously.  Maybe we aren't as close as we were, or I have neglected you, or I have forgotten something special to you, or I said something hurtful to you.  Or maybe you just don't like me!  It's ok:  If I'm your frenemy, and you don't want to have anything to do with me, please un-friend me, don't read what I write, tell me to go away and shut up, drop me like a hot potato!  Life is just too short.  Let it go and let me go and if you need to say something to me, just say it and tell me I am not your friend anymore or I never was or whatever.  I just can't stand the thought that someone is pretending to be my friend but secretly disliking or hating or resenting or distrusting me.  It just makes me want to cry, thinking about it!

Next, I am mulling over the notion that there is something oddly addictive about a frenemy.  I had a frenemy for a few years, whom I haven't communicated directly with for more than 10 years, but whose name I still periodically Google just out of curiosity.  Why?  If I found her, I wouldn't want to rekindle our "friendship". I don't trust her and she hurt my feelings deeply before we went our separate ways. But she still has a hold on me in some small way.  It's unhealthy and a waste of my time and emotional energy, but still... I wonder if she considers me her frenemy too?

Why do any of us keep relationships going with people who don't make us feel good? Who drain us of good energy? Who need more than we can or want to give? Would they want to be told, or dropped like a hot potato, as I described above?  Do some relationships just have to exist, because of history or shared relationships with others or obligation, real or imagined? Is it easier to just pretend? 

What do you think?  Do you have any frenemies?  Why?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I admire your candor. long ago I realizes I had that person at my doorstep, a close friend of both of ours asked me "what do you get out of that relationship?" upon reflection I didn't know AND her true colors showed! It was the first time I really saw a frenenemies true colors and I know longer had trouble letting go. A kind heart like yours will attract people who wish they had your kind heart, the same energy, you can't take that on. just wish them well and delete them from your space. don't except them to do it for you.